The guy who lives next door to me has sex a lot, but doesn’t know I know it. When I see him in the elevator (his trucker hat too high on his head and tilted off to one side), I study him for signs of sex appeal, but only see a tall, skinny kid with shifty eyes. He’s got dimples and he seems harmless, but that’s no reason to have sex with him, is it? He’s no Bond, anyway. If he were, would I want to spend more time at home? Right now I’m hanging on the corner, drinking 40s and smoking Pall Malls,* waiting for some girl with bad taste to roll over and forget him. Sweet dreams, Noisy.
*Warning: This blog contains lies.